Mankind Doomed, Womankind Wins

Gentlemen, I am sorry to report this to you.  But my prediction, after reading this New Scientist article, is that we are soon to be evolved into oblivion.  Darwinianly, if I may.

What it says, basically, is that researchers have figured out how to produce mouse sperm outside the testes of the mouse.  Obviously, the next step is the ability to undertake this action with humans. 

Once that happens, and human sperm can be produced in a test tube (if done in more than one test tube, is that testes tubes?), any use for true males is no longer necessary.  After 100 years, I predict that our “killer” instinct will evolve away.  We’ll lose our ability to laugh obnoxiously when drunk and bump chests in the manly way that all women love.  We won’t need to perform these mate-winning acts because women will know, genetically, that we’re no longer needed. 

In 200 years, after a century of no procreational use, the small number of natural-born men will be born eunuchs.  Basically treated as house servants, women will force us to perform only the most undesirable, dirty jobs like laundry and dishes, ironing and bathroom-cleaning.  Outrageous!  A new breed of humans will emerge from the laboratories (run by women of course) and produce the manliest looking of men whose only flaws will be a slightly elevated voice tone and a debilitating lack of directional sense. 

Finally men, 300 years from now, we’ll be nothing but a chatty, Silpada-party-holding, purse-wearing (and not those man-purse bags with big straps either) bundle of emotion.  While I admit that it will be nice to be able to find things in the refrigerator that once were hidden in plain sight, like that blush wine we’ll love so much, MANkind as we now know it will cease to exist.

So, I say we need to start planning today.  I’ve begun erecting a time capsule.  It’s huge.  And you should do the same.  I’m stuffing it with Guiness and pork rinds, and WD-40 and … hold on a sec….

“What’s that dear?”………”No problem, hun, I’ll do it right now!”

Well, I need to run.  My wife wants me to take out the trash, and I know what you’re thinking.  Maybe the evolutionary hands of time have already advanced.  Maybe we don’t need no stinkin’ in-vitro mouse testes experiment to know that women already rule the world.  But as of now, I’m the only one in the house who knows how to use the five remotes we use for the home theater hookup…and so, for the moment, she still needs me for my manly skills!

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About TechonomicMan

Manager, Entrepreneurial Services at Ben Franklin Technology Partners in Northeast PA.
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